Fear loses its power
For 11 years, I lived with a crippling phobia of spiders. It wasn’t just a discomfort—it was paralyzing. I couldn’t step near one, and if I saw one in my home, I had to call my parents to get rid of it. At times, I would wake up from a deep sleep, convinced I saw spiders crawling on me, even swinging at the air in fear. This wasn’t just about a fear of spiders—it was a fear that controlled me.
It kept me from doing the things I should have been doing—praying, reading my Bible, even sleeping peacefully. It was as if the closer I tried to get to God, the more I feared I would start hallucinating and seeing spiders. When my oldest was a newborn, we were both asleep when I suddenly woke up and saw what looked like a giant spider in place of her head. My fist instinctively clenched, ready to fight this fear once again—until her little head came into focus. The fear was so overwhelming that, even without spiders around, I constantly felt under attack.
While discussing this blog with my cousin, she recalled my episodes, and it was a profound moment for me—realizing just how far God had brought me. Many nights (a lot during the three year period I lived there) I couldn’t even sleep in my own apartment. Instead, I would knock on her door (she lived across from me) seeking refuge there. It didn’t seem to get better or easier. After three years of living there, I moved to another apartment but could barley stay there either. Once again, I found myself leaving with my daughter and sleeping at my parents house - because of the fear and I didn’t want to be alone - having lived so far from my family the second time around. There’s a deeper reason why spiders and other insects caused me so much trauma, but that’s a story for another day!
The enemy used fear as a barrier between me and my faith, keeping me from fully surrendering to God. Fear is a master manipulator—it twists our thoughts, magnifies our weaknesses, and convinces us that we are powerless. And for over a decade, I believed it. During this time I was battling a multitude of fears - some more intense than others - but all of them weighed heavily on me. It was a difficult season, one filled with challenges that tested me in ways I never expected. Yet, even in the midst of it all, I kept pushing forward, holding on to faith despite the fear.
Then, one day, God stepped in. He healed me through a sermon—ironically, about spiders. What made this time so pivotal was that I was part of a bible study that took place at my moms’s house every Monday. In the midst of my fear and struggle, I kept showing up, pressing through the anxiety that had such a grip on me. I fought through it even when it felt overwhelming. In that moment, something shifted. The fear that had dictated my life for so long suddenly lost its grip. It had no say, no control, and no power over me anymore. Faith took the lead. I believe fear lost its grip on me because I remained steadfast in the things of God and refused to give up. Through it all, I held on to His truth and that unwavering faith carried me through.
That’s the thing about fear—it thrives where faith is absent. But when faith rises, fear must bow. The moment I placed my trust fully in God, fear had no choice but to surrender. From that day forward, I had to walk by faith, not by sight. I had to trust that the same God who delivered me would keep me free - and He did.
Fear will always try to find a way in, but faith is our defense. When we choose faith, fear loses its power. It’s a journey of perseverance, trust in God and transformation. Acknowledging the fear is half the battle but refusing to let it control you is the other half. Instead of running from it - you face it with the truth of God’s word. Remain steadfast in prayer even through it and don’t be afraid to reach out to your community of friends and family because honestly that is one aspect that helped me. Always remember fear no longer has authority in our lives because the One who holds all authority is Jesus and He will lead the way.
