Parenting From Fear
Looking back, I see how my own trauma and fears shaped the way I parented—sometimes in ways I didn’t even realize at the time. I was young and pregnant, just 19 when I found out and 20 when I had my oldest. I was also a strict parent, and by the time she was 3 ½ years old, I was a single parent. Losing her father to an accident was the beginning of a long journey of parenting that, if I’m honest, I didn’t quite know how to navigate. I was trying to raise her with both mother and father attributes, searching for the right balance while carrying the weight of my own fears and uncertainties.
While none of my children are mistakes in my eyes, looking back, I can see how my personal choices created struggles I wasn’t prepared for. I made decisions out of fear rather than faith, trying to rewrite my own story through my daughter’s life. One choice that stands out is how I didn’t allow her to play with dolls—especially baby dolls or anything that resembled caregiving. I told myself it was about protecting her, about ensuring she didn’t feel the weight of responsibility too soon. But the truth is, I was protecting myself. I didn’t want her to experience what I had, to make the same mistakes I believed I had made.
In my attempt to shield her, I unintentionally took away something innocent—something that was simply a part of childhood. I’ve since had deep conversations with her about it, and she understands where I was coming from. While I no longer carry guilt, I do acknowledge how my fear influenced certain decisions in her upbringing. Through healing and growth, I’ve learned to let go of the idea that I can control outcomes by withholding experiences.
Motherhood is a journey of trial and error, and as a young mom, I was just trying to figure it all out. I don’t regret wanting the best for her, but I do wish I had trusted God more and parented from faith rather than fear. Today, I’m free from the mindset that once held me captive, and I embrace grace—the same grace I hope my daughter sees in me. Do I struggle in this area. Absolutely and I’ll probably come back to it. For the many mothers out there both single or married, if you find yourself in maybe not this exact situation but one where guilt has taken its toll, fear that burdened those around you (specifically your children) or a loss of a specific time in their life that should have been enjoyed but was destroyed because of personal trauma within yourself and fear - I’m hear to tell you hand it over to God. Let him heal you. Release the control and know that although you can’t go back right now you can move forward!
